Wicked Game

The world was on fire, and no one could save me but you
It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I’d need somebody like you
I never dreamed that I’d know somebody like you

And I wanna fall in love
And I wanna fall in love with you
with you

What a wicked game you play, you make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do, make me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say, never felt that way
What a wicked thing to do, make me dream of you

And I wanna fall in love
And I wanna fall in love with you
with you

My world was on fire, and no one could save me but you
It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I’d need somebody like you
I never dreamed that I’d miss somebody like you

And I wanna fall in love
And I wanna fall in love
And I wanna fall in love with you
with you

Nobody loves no one

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The House of The Cascade Sun

I feel bad at blogging. I think it’s because I feel some sort of pressure to execute complete over-literate thought, similar to an essay. It must be the English snob in me, but I’d like to turn it off. I’d like to candidly express because that’s the point of a blog. But I just edited that very sentence to be complete, so there’s probably no hope. 

I want to talk about something that is possibly the dearest thing to my heart; Something that is possibly my whole heart. The House of The Cascade Sun is a place I called home for 2 years with 3 of the most incredible and talented men I have ever encountered. I was blessed with the faithful Mat Charley, the protective Tim Olson, and the wise Casey Black. And going into it, when it was merely a house, I had no idea the caliber of friendship I would find. 

The friendship I’m talking of is an unordinary one. I would come home to full fledged role play situations half the time resulting in fake weapons to my person, which lasted for an hour and ending in belly aching laughter. Actual names were never used, but instead a stretch of nicknames whose origins are difficult to pin point. The dishes were only done by Casey, and over the course of two years we banded together for 2 A.M. cleaning sessions a total of 4 times. There were multiple TV series marathons, games that were only real to us like Mouthball and Orange Juice Roulette, and karaoke sessions nearly every night. 

And then there was the music. If it were normal to recommend living with a band, I would do it daily. The heart of our home’s name The Cascade Sun is made up of the most musically talented people I have ever met. As a silent 6th member, I had the first look at melodies, lyrics, ideas, and images. I sat front row to every practice (as they took place feet from my bedroom), worked merchandise for every show, gave outside opinion to every new single. And through that, I learned about music. Really learned. I can now recognize a gorgeous harmony, and even do it myself. I appreciate a song from the base up. I see what makes a good song. As silly as it all sounds, you don’t know what you’re missing until you can appreciate music in that way. In The House of The Cascade Sun, no song was off limits. Mat and Tim could harmonize their way through anything and in any style. And when the five of them came together, I’d sit as they’d work there way through different harmonies with a piano just for fun. In two years, I rarely did anything outside of my home, and I was completely content in doing so.

The experiences in The House of The Cascade Sun were exceptional, but the experiences didn’t make it. It was this strange group of people. This group of guys that were best friends that somehow accepted me like I was theirs. I gained the realest of families. The kind of family that bails you out of jail and never mentions it. And throws going away parties for you with your favorite pasta and slow-dancing to 90’s boy band ballads while tears stream down your face. 

I could go on forever, and this post won’t mean anything to anyone. But to me, it is everything. These people are everything. And soon not one of us will be in the same place, but I will never forget how much they’ve built me, and how grateful I’ll always be for The House of The Cascade Sun.

 

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Here they are: the loves of my life.

It is so strang…

It is so strange to look back at 2011 as the best year of my life thus far, when at the time I felt completely miserable. Strange, and completely terrifying. God help me, the best had better be yet to come..

“OCD”

I’m having trouble finding the words after watching this. I can see myself being dubbed impressionable. Being so soft-hearted, that I play into anything remotely touching – like someone with a disability reciting a poem. Because let’s face it, people do use these things as pawns, as horrible as it may be. It seems nothing skyrockets you like publishing your pain. But skepticism aside, this moved me. Maybe this man does not have severe OCD but regardless, he is immensely brave. Emotion is such a powerful thing, and allowing others to see and feel it takes courage and so much vulnerability. This video is so sad, but it is so so beautiful. Love is unbelievable. And as guilty as I feel writing the following: I believe I’ve loved as he has. I don’t walk away from seeing this completely sad, but hopeful. So so hopeful.

This is to the ones who are waiting.

1 Timothy 4:12

I want to encourage my sisters in Christ about trusting God to lead your heart in potential romantic relationships.

No matter your age, no matter your past experiences, no matter where you’ve made mistakes or had your hopes let down; I pray what I have to share speaks to you. If you are single, please listen.

You don’t want to open up your heart to a relationship with a guy based on the fact he gives you attention, he’s interested in you, he notices you, he sees you for who you are, he likes you, he compliments you, he has great character, he has good qualities. You don’t want to choose a guy based on how much you have in common, how attractive he is, how much you admire him, or the way he makes you feel. You don’t want to be in a relationship just because you want one…

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“Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

A good Christian believes that suffering is beautiful. In the same way that Christ carried the cross, we have our own to bear. And Christ died for us, and that’s probably one of the most beautiful things to exist. 

I’m sitting here after two months of a dark cloud hovering over, inching closer and closer, I am now right beneath it, waiting for the rain. Actually, I anticipate a down pour. The countless scenarios play through my head, and the majority are immensely painful. So now I’m faced with a decision: Fight or flight.

Is it more graceful to accept that this is something I can not handle? To bow out before the going gets the toughest? Or is it better to “martyr it out”, and suffer through it. Which is stronger? 

The human in me says accept your weakness and know your limits. Spare yourself the agony. But the Christian in me says that no matter what happens, it is what God intends for me to see, to experience, to enjoy, and to overcome. At the end of the day, there is no better test of this faith that I take so much pride and care in, than to follow that Christian direction. In this case, to suffer.