Wise words of my mother

Get up. Be someone he should love.” 



I am guilty of being a technology junkie. I am always touching my phone. Whether it be scrolling my photo albums, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram (this list is already too long), or even blogging and pinning on Pinterest. The iPhone suits me, if you can’t tell. I was raised in a family that always had the TV on. Half the time, it served as background noise. Dinner was always served with a hockey game that no one really cared who won, the nightly news, or the beginnings of whatever singing competition show was on. This was normal. I didn’t know any differently. I nearly always have my bedroom television on, music playing, or something like Netflix or Hulu playing in the background of whatever I’m doing on the computer. 

One evening someone said to me, “Can’t you just sit quietly with your own thoughts?”. My immediate internal response was, “Why would anyone want to do THAT?”, thinking too much is more often than not a horrible thing to do with your time. I avoid my head at all costs!

Yet now, I’m sitting here with the world on my mind and all of these vices seem like noise. Voices are too loud. Screens are too bright. Music is unsatisfying. And most of all social networking feeds seem so pointless. They’re worlds I don’t even feel like being apart of. Today I deleted every form of social networking off of my iPhone. 

I’m sitting in a room full of books with the most welcomed silence. This is what should be done with my time. Thank God I finally listened to that someone. Now here’s to closing my lap top and being better.


Aside from fami…

Aside from familial or spiritual patriarchs, psychologists, and the closest (and I mean soulmate caliber) of friends, people suck at giving advice. They lack compassion filters and never say what you need them to. Instead, they leave you in a place of self-loathing or loathing of the advice giver. It’s enough to make me want become mute and quit people entirely.

Letters Unreceived

As it turns out, the bible says a whole lot about love. 

Psalm 59:16 – But I will sing of your strength, in the morning, I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.


Psalm 85:10 – Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other.


Proverbs 3:3 – Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.


Isaiah 54:10- Thought he mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion in you.


John 13:34-35 – “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you; so must you love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”


John 15: 9-13 – “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”


1 Corinthians 13 – Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophecy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I thought like a child, I talked like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as a mirror, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, then I should know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.


1 Corinthians 16:14 – Do everything in love.


Ruth 1:16-17 – But Ruth said, “Entreat me not to leave you or return from following you; for where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge; your people will be my people, and your God my God; where you die I will die, and there will I be buried.. May the LORD do so to me and more also if even death parts me from you.


Ephesians 4:2 – Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in live.


1 Peter 4:8- Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.


1 John 4:18-19 – There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. 


1 John 4:8 – Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.


I have never felt closer to God than I have through loving another person. There is no better glorification of Him. “To love another person is to see the face of God.” – Victor Hugo, Les Miserables.



C.S. Lewis knew what was up..

“It is far better to make them live in the Future. Biological necessity makes all their passions point in that direction already, so that thought about the Future inflames hope and fear. Also, it is unknown to them, so that in making them think about it we make them think of unrealities. In a word, the Future is, of all things, the thing least like eternity. It is the most completely temporal part of time — for the Past is frozen and no longer flows, and the Present is all lit up with eternal rays …”

It seems that the future is, above all other points in time, the most difficult to wrap our heads around. It is the most terrifying. And why shouldn’t it be? It is a metaphorical blackness. A tunnel with unforeseeable light at the end. Sometimes the future is in fact the light, and sometimes it’s never ending darkness.

A future can mean years down the road. It can mean a month, a week, a day. It can even mean two hours from where you are. It has the ability to come before anyone is ready.

The future can be right now. I’m in it. Everything I was ever afraid of is right now. I’m stuck in the present Eternity and a fear of the future ahead.

I thought I un…

I thought I understood it, that I could grasp it, but I didn’t, not really. Only the smudgeness of it; the pink-slippered, all-containered, semi-precious eagerness of it. I didn’t realize it would sometimes be more than whole, that the wholeness was a rather luxurious idea. Because it’s the halves that halve you in half. I didn’t know, don’t know, about the in-between bits; the gory bits of you, and the gory bits of me.

Like Crazy

It’s possible weddings are the most beautiful things on the planet.

I love weddings and my love for them is simple: I love love. I can’t think of greater manifestation of love than promising the rest your life to another person. 

 How wonderful it must be to look at the person next to you and know with the utmost certainty that they have chosen you and only you for their forever. To finally be relieved of the fear of what might happen to the two of you. To receive the greatest form commitment possible. I believe in romance and soul mates and sitting on rocking chairs next to each other in old age. Tell me something more beautiful than witnessing and contributing to a monumental part of a couple’s love story: the day they say I do. I doubt you’ll find it.

But Ruth said, “Entreat me not to leave you or to return from following you; for where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God; where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if even death parts me from you.”

– Ruth 1:16-17

How am I supposed to make life decisions when I can’t decide on a nail polish color?

Since graduating from high school two (WHAT) years ago, my mind has been consumed with “What do I do now?” One could argue that this very question is a huge source of my anxiety and even depression. Decisions have always been difficult for me. I find this embarrassing, because I like to think that I am a strong enough personality to be able to know what I want. But when it comes down to it, it’s difficult for me to even pick restaurants and, as the title alluded, paint my nails.

But, I am insistent on being as close to the best as possible at anything I do. I am a performer. I do well, or not at all. I want to be something that makes my loved ones proud, as well as something I love to get up and be every day.

I know what I like, and I know what I don’t like, so this should be simple. The problem is potential. I know mine. I was very good at school, maintained good grades and above average test scores, and ultimately enjoyed learning. However, I have zero desire to be in classes I hate, writing useless 20 page papers, stressing and falling apart for a degree I’m not even sure I want! I don’t understand or aspire to the misery of college standards. I love little kids, but I hate the idea of going in to Education because it seems like that’s what everyone who has no idea what to do does. Mediocrity is unacceptable. Then there is the other side of the spectrum: don’t go to college. Instead, go to beauty school. Again with the mediocrity. Although I don’t want to place any negative judgement on those who go to beauty school because, hey, I need them just as much as I need a chiropractor or dentist. But however much I enjoy doing hair and make-up, I can’t shake the feeling that I would be selling myself short. “Dropping out of college to go to hair school”. I can’t help but feel disappointed, as well as disappointing to others, by taking that route.

I know what I like, and I know what I don’t like. I know my potential and what I deserve.

How, then, do I still know absolutely nothing?